


Fresh Snow

by dangerkittyn



Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-08
Updated: 2016-12-08
Packaged: 2018-09-03 18:55:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8726329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dangerkittyn/pseuds/dangerkittyn
Summary: Hongbin can't remember a time when he wasn't in love with his roommate Taekwoon, not that he'd ever mention it to him. But when a chance of a life time threatens to shake up his tidy world, he really has to examine what it means to unconditionally love someone.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [henrywinters](https://archiveofourown.org/users/henrywinters/gifts).



Winter had some of Hongbin’s best memories. Rather than seeing the cold snow as a merciless wall of white that cascaded to bury the city yearly, he saw it as a fresh renewal of the world. A blank slate, a chance to move forward. Not that Hongbin knew anything about moving on. But still, fond memories, building snowmen in the park, lying on the floor to soak up the heat, and freezing at the bus stop with a warm drink in hand.

Some things never changed, he thought wryly with a soft grey hoodie draped over his arm, like a certain smoker who thought that fifteen minutes outside in short sleeves and sweatpants wouldn’t end up killing him. The apartment he shared with Taekwoon had barely a spit of a balcony. Just enough room for two people to stand comfortably, add a third and everyone was getting a little more friendly.The snow never clogged up the tiny amount of floor space since the apartment above theirs did a pretty good job of blocking it all, but that didn’t mean the chill winds of the 10th floor wouldn’t freeze a man to death.

“You’re gonna catch a cold out here,” The icy breeze slapped him in the face as he pulled the sliding glass door open, cutting to his bone even through his jacket. “How are you not dying?” Body rebelling by shivering, Hongbin could barely toss the hoodie at his roommate, standing there dumbly with a cigarette between his lips, smoke curling out in slight wisps.

“It’s not that bad.” Hongbin wanted to call bullshit but that would have required a degree of motor skill he lacked in the face of the cold. He took it back, winter sucked, it was freezing and it made it hard to breathe. “Get back inside.” Taekwoon’s large hand reached over to smooth his hair down in a time honored tradition since they’d met. “You’ve got thin blood.”

“P-put it..on…” the words came out between chattering teeth, but Hongbin wasn’t going anywhere until he was sure the older boy wasn’t going to catch his death.

Grudgingly, Taekwoon shrugged into the light cotton jacket and gave a look as if to ask if he was satisfied. “Now go in. I’ll be in to start dinner when I’m done.”

Pleased with his job, Hongbin surrendered the field to the snowy grasp of winter. Breathing easier as soon as he’d shut the door behind him, letting the warmth of their shared space seep back into his bones.

Taekwoon’s apartment wasn’t large or fancy. It didn’t have a spare bedroom which meant Hongbin pulled out and put away the couch bed every night and morning, but it was home and that was enough to make him smile. A home that Taekwoon had been gracious enough to open up to his friend. He didn’t ask for anything in return but that certainly hadn’t stopped Hongbin from making a busy home maker of himself, making sure the place was always clean, the floors swept, the dishes washed, and so on. Since Taek wouldn’t take his money it was all he could do not to feel like a leech.

Settling in on the affectionately lumpy couch, Hongin retrieved his laptop from his backpack ready to get started on his homework.

Homework.

How embarrassing.

It was funny how life turned out sometimes. Hongbin had been all but sure he was done with a thing like homework when he’d finished high school. Sure, he’d thought about college sometimes, imagined it’d be a nice experience but he hadn’t really considered it. It was just going to be too much money, and with his parents moving out of the city, there was no way he was going to afford living on his own.

To be honest, he’d made his peace with the idea of joining the workforce. There was nothing wrong with it, no mostly… mostly he’d just hated the idea of moving away from Taekwoon. The tall boy with the wide shoulders that he’d spent all of his 1st year of high school peering at from behind corners and over his lunch tray. Taekwoon had been one of the 3rd years, top of the school social ladder, obviously too cool for a kid like Hongbin. It was no wonder he’d found himself with a crush.

Just a crush.

And he’d gotten tons of jokes at his expense from his friends when he’d admitted liking the older student. It was funny. Life was such a fragile thing, this way or that, one thing or the other, it was almost painful to think that if he hadn’t stupidly approached him in the last semester of Taekwoon's senior year they may never have gotten to be friends.

All he’d wanted was a chance to talk with him, to see him for who he was, and maybe spend a little time together. He’d been too brave in his youth. Hongbin snorted indignantly at himself as Taekwoon unleashed the cold air upon the room once more, shutting the door quietly behind him.

“Something funny?” he asked quietly, going through the small living room space to the open kitchen, the crown jewel of the apartment.

“Laughing at how old of a man I’ve become since we met.”

“It was only 5 years ago.” Taekwoon scoffed and pulled the meat he’d been marinating from the fridge.

“That’s what I mean, it feels like a long time even if it isn’t. Does that make sense?” Of course five years didn’t sound long but sometimes Hongbin felt like he’d only come alive during those five years. It was a lifetime to him.

“If 5 years makes you an old man, what does it make me? I’m your senior.” Like a dancer in the kitchen, Taekwoon always seemed to know just how to craft food. Hongbin suspected that the years in culinary school could have been spent doing anything and Taekwoon would have turned out just as magnificent.

“I guess…” Hongbin slide a sidelong glance to his friend, “that makes you ancient.”

The rice paddle came soaring through the air as he’d expected, aimed directly for his head. With a practiced ease, he deflected it with a couch pillow. “You think too much. Do your homework, Binnie.”

Right, homework. Maybe he should have been grateful that he got the chance to do it at all, but just then it was the same as it’d ever been. Boring as hell. Idly he loaded up his photo editing program and began searching through his library of pics from the previous day to use for his color study.

“Call me ancient again, and I’m not feeding you!” He couldn’t help but to laugh.

\---

Lying on the pulled out couch bed, Hongbin stared through the glass door to the free falling bits of snow, gently gliding lazily to the ground. Snow always seemed so pretty when it fell, white, clean, pristine and full of potential. But then it ended up on the road or walkways, caught under foot and ground into the dirt and grit of the earth, turning dirty.

...there was a metaphor for life in there somewhere but he didn’t care enough to reach out and grab it.

The pain was back in his chest, he’d been doing such a good job of ignoring it lately but dinner brought it out in full force. But really it was his own fault, he’d grown complacent in his defenses. An intimate home cooked dinner for two beside the view of a city scape washed in white? How had he expected to stand up against that?

But now the pain was there.

No one ever told him that love wasn’t supposed to hurt.

In the dark of night, quiet and alone, he could admit it to himself. Ever since he could remember Hongbin had been in love with Taekwoon, and for as long as he could remember it had always hurt.

That sore feeling in his chest where it seems like his heart beat too deep, thrummed just a little too hard against his rib cage. It left him with a dull ache in his gut that he could never quite put into words.

It was a wonder Taekwoon had become his friend, he knew not to hope for more. Even after Jinhee had left for Europe and he’d lifted a heart broken Taekwoon from the ground, Hongbin knew not to get his hopes up.

It was too greedy to imagine more.

Taekwoon had already been the best friend he could ask for. It was only thanks to him that Hongbin had even considered taking the scholarship to college he’d received. Was it providence or just coincidence? Who could say?

But he could remember clearly, after he’d tearfully given his goodbye speech, after he’d let just some of his heart and soul lay out on the floor between them, how Taekwoon had scoffed. His heart had plummeted straight out of his chest, the weight of gravity increasing tenfold. He’d been crushed. But the words he heard next… those he’d never forget. “ _You think I’d ever let you give up on your dreams, Hongbin? Don’t be absurd. You’ll live with me, now that I’m done with schooling, I can work full time at the restaurant. The head chef has already offered me a position so don’t worry about cost. I live near your college so you really have no right to refuse._ ”

There was no argument to be brought, no way he could have said no in the face of such elegant certainty. All he could do was wordlessly nod along before going in for a quick hug. He’d thought he’d been ready to give up on the dream, but he was only just getting started.

Sighing and turning to lie on his back, the filtered moonlight brushing softly over his skin, Hongbin willed himself to sleep. And hoped in the morning the pangs in his chest would leave him be. Three days till Christmas, must just be the Holiday blues, he hoped.

\---

Something had been up with Hongbin, Taekwoon was sure. The younger boy tried to hide it the previous night, under smiles and smart remarks and cheerful compliments about his food, but Taekwoon knew his best friend well enough to see past that. Noticing it was the easy part, trying to pry what was bugging him out of the clutches of his fists was another matter altogether. There hadn’t been time in the morning, Hongbin had shot out of the apartment like a bullet, camera bag and backpack slung over his shoulders with a piece of toast in his mouth.

Taekwoon would need to take more care and see that he had a proper breakfast the next day.

Not that he had much time to worry over it during the day. Holiday season meant lots of crowds, and crowds inevitably meant picky and angry eaters. Taekwoon didn’t once regret taking up the culinary arts but he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t taxing sometimes. As just a line cook the brunt of pressure wasn’t on him, but oh how he wanted it to be.

While he loved his job, loved learning new recipes and being around the creative hive mind that was too many chefs in a kitchen, Taekwoon truly wanted to be the one creating everything. Mixing and matching flavor profiles and crafting the perfect taste. One day, he told himself, one day.

Of course he knew that he needed much more training and at least a sous chef position first, but that was logic. Dreams didn’t wait for logic. At least, that’s what Jinhee had said when she left for Europe to experience and study recipes and cooking there. Dreams meant everything to her, more than her stable job, or her family, or Taekwoon. It should have left him cold, but it didn’t. More the fool he was, he knew. Three years later and he was still kind of hoping she’d come back, he knew better. The postcards she sent told him so, always filled with wonder and new recipes.

Maybe he’d been too scared when she’d asked him to come with her, maybe he’d wished he’d gone with her, maybe he had too much logic.

“Taekwoon, take fifteen already,” the kitchen sous chef patted him on the shoulder, “I’m getting tired just looking at you hustling around here.”

Right, breaks, those were a thing.

Making a beeline for the door to the alley, he stopped by the back room to grab his cigarettes, and after a second thought and imagining Hongbin’s disappointed face, he plucked up his hoodie too. It was only the middle of winter, not like that meant it was below freezing out there.

The soft material hugged him almost like Hongbin was there in spirit to thank him for looking after his health, the mental image was enough to make Taek smile.

And maybe, only maybe, he appreciated the extra layer when he shouldered the alley door open and winter waltzed right up to slap him across the face. Still, below freezing temperatures were never going to be enough to stop him. Huddled in on himself, Taekwoon pulled out his pack of smokes and his reliable, cheap convenience store lighter. The wind made a valiant attempt to snuff out the flame but it knew better than to flicker out.

The first drag was always the best. Especially in the cold, the heat curling through his lungs. Unhealthy? Sure, but warming in a strange way.

“Those things will kill you, you know?” Hongbin’s cheerful smile peeked out from behind a muffler, a shy dust of white in his brown bangs just showing under a wool cap. Cute. “You’re so predictable, Taekwoon.” The younger boy ambled over to huddle against the brick wall with him, blocking out some of the whipping wind. “I knew you’d be out here smoking at this time.”

“Only because they make me take breaks.” The cook grumbled and jammed his hands into his pockets, shoulders hunched high versus the cold. “Busy night tonight, I didn’t know if I’d get a break or not.”

“It’s good you did, you’ll wear yourself out at your pace.”

“What pace?”

“Taekwoon pace.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” but he laughed and leaned over to nudge against Hongbin’s frame with his shoulder. “Done with school?”

“Yup!” The bright smile Hongbin offered could have blocked out the sun’s rays. “I’m gonna skip tomorrow.”  
  
“Hongbin.” Taekwoon’s withering stare didn’t even make him flinch.

“It’s Christmas Eve tomorrow, everyone’s skipping!”

“You don’t even have a date.” They both knew the majority of people who would skip class were couples, eager to spend Christmas Eve dates together. Taekwoon winced inwardly at the slightly crestfallen look that flashed across Hongbin’s face. “Don’t be like that, I don’t have a date either, it’s not a bad thing or anything.”

“Well, I _could_ have a date… you don’t know…” the younger boy pouted slightly and Taekwoon reached out to pat his snow covered hat. Of course Hongbin didn’t have a date, he could hardly imagine him being able to keep something like that to himself.

Actually, it was a little strange, for as long as Taekwoon had known him Hongbin had been single. And it wasn’t for lack of interest on other people’s part. He was cute, too cute in Taekwoon’s opinion. Bright eyes and a handsome face with adorable dimples. Sometimes he’d gotten dirty looks from the girls at school when there’d been a rumor they were dating. No, he had little doubt that Hongbin could find a date for Christmas Eve, the same as how he had little doubt that the boy didn’t. A part of him was almost glad, selfishly so, being alone on Christmas Eve would have… well he had always been grateful for Hongbin agreeing to keep him company.

“Do so.” Taekwoon replied cooly, blowing out a stream of smoke, the vapor getting caught in the breeze and dragged away. “I get off of work early, so you’d better come home for the dinner I’m going to make us.” Neither of their families lived in the city so it was always the two of them for holidays, two boys and too much food.

...he really couldn’t think of a more perfect way to spend the day.

Hongbin was fidgeting and that odd sensation from the previous night came back to tickle the back of Taekwoon’s brain. Something was bothering him. The bundled up boy tugged his lower lip between his teeth as he bounced on the balls of his feet. “Brought you the mail,” he piped up finally, gloved hand digging inside his puffy jacket for a moment.

“You didn’t need to come all this way to give me the mail.” Taekwoon laughed lightly, a few hours sitting on the counter surely wouldn’t have hurt whatever it was.

“I know,” Hongbin’s eyes darted to the side as he pulled out a pale pink envelope with a relief of the Eiffel Tower stamped on it. Time seemed to slow down a little, “I figured you’d want to see this as soon as you could… and I wanted to make sure you were wearing your jacket.”

Fingers slightly numb in the cold, Taekwoon reached out and took the envelope between them. Handwriting that was oh so familiar formed his name on the front. “Thanks Binnie,” he mumbled absently, turning the card over to admire the lovely architecture of the grand erection before brushing his fingers over the oh so familiar handwriting of the address. Careful not to tear it, Taekwoon lifted the lip of the envelope and drew out the letter.

 

“ _Taekwoonie,_

_Are you doing well? Ah, I hope this reaches you before Christmas. I’m never sure with the post from Europe. Merry Christmas nonetheless, late or early. You wouldn’t believe some of the decorations they have here in Paris. It’s like a western movie, it really is. Though I miss your Christmas cookies. Say what they will about Parisian pastries, no one can compare to your cookies._

_Would you believe it? I’ve been promoted at work! Sous chef! And Chef Laurent is allowing me to assist with creating the appetizer courses. It’s everything I could have wanted. A wonderful gift. Thanks to that I’ve been able to move into a larger apartment! Two bedrooms!_

_...it’s yours if you want it. I know you were scared when I first asked you to leave with me because nothing would be secured. But now you wouldn’t have to worry. It would be a real treat to see you again and the world deserves to experience your cooking._

_I can already see a frown forming between your brows, so don’t feel like you need to answer right away. I’ll be here with a room for you even months from now. I’d take care of everything, and I just know you’d love it here. Don’t let logic hold you back from your dreams, Taekwoonie. Just think about it._

_Well, I’ve probably made it awkward now so I’ll end this here. I’ve sent a few recipes that I think you’ll enjoy! I miss you, my dear friend. Write soon and tell me how you are._

_Always with love,_

_Jinhee_ ”

 

His fingers were trembling, but he didn’t notice. “Taekwoon…” She wasn’t wrong. He’d never expected it to work out, uprooting his life to try and set down in a strange place where no one spoke his language… it was terrifying. But if she was already established… “Taekwoon, are you okay?” Hongbin’s voice snapped him out of his own thoughts.

“Fine, just a little surprised.” To say the least. “Jinhee…” he sighed, “Break’s probably over by now, I have to get back inside, I’ll tell you at home later, okay?” Hastily but also carefully he folded up the letter and set it back into it’s envelope before stubbing out his cigarette on the wall and tossing the butt into the trash. “Hongbin,” he waited until eyes still a little too clouded with that layer of uncertainty met his, “thank you for bringing this, I mean it.”

\---

The sick feeling was back, in the pit of Hongbin’s stomach. It’d been there all through dinner the previous night, making him pretend to eat to keep his friend placated while it all tasted like ash in his mouth. Taekwoon had explained that Jinhee had offered to let him come chase his dream in Europe with her. Throwing open the doors to her fancy French apartment much the same way Taekwoon had done for Hongbin after high school. He didn’t have the right to be jealous, he told himself.

...he almost believed it.

There was no reason for Taekwoon not to go, he knew that. What would he lose? Nothing. And he’d gain… he’d gain everything he wanted. Hongbin chided himself for feeling so bitter. He should be happy for his best friend. Happy that he’d get to do what he’d dreamed of.

And leave Hongbin behind.

The burning of tears pricked his eyes but he refused to let them fall. It was a good thing he’d decided to skip school; there was no way he’d have been able to concentrate. Instead, he found himself aimlessly walking down the streets of the city. It was awash with life and color as families scurried around and couples strolled by hand in hand. Absently, Hongbin linked his own hands together and frowned. His hands were so small and a poor analog for Taekwoon’s.

How pathetic of him. He must have looked so sad and lonely, walking alone on Christmas Eve day, holding his own hand.

Originally he’d planned to skip class so he could hunt for the perfect gift for Taekwoon. Time had gotten away from him but he’d wanted the day to really get the chance to look for what would suit Taek best. Only instead of a Christmas gift, it would be a going away present.

Hongbin wasn’t a fool… or well not in this regard. He knew… Taekwoon was going to leave. A lump sat in his throat and try as he might, he couldn’t quite swallow it down. Love hurt, he knew this, but it was supposed to be giving too. If going to Europe made Taekwoon happy, well, Hongbin wanted what made him happy.

Alone with his own thoughts, he drifted out of the cold and into a department store. Cheery music echoed through the floors of the stories tall building. He’d expected coming to look at cooking supplies, a new device to clutter the counter or maybe a fancy new knife, but instead found his eyes drifting over luggage pieces and travel books. Things he’d need when he went away.

Not quite fast enough to evade a sales attendant, Hongbin waited as nicely as he could as they explained the perks of a light but durable clamshell designed suitcase. But that wasn’t what he wanted. That only felt like he was pushing Taekwoon out the door.

Politely he declined the suggestion and made a quick getaway; it didn’t matter where. Somewhere where he could at least let himself think, but with the music jingling through the speakers, he wasn’t sure he’d find anywhere like that.

The best he could find was having the holiday cheer muted slightly inside a bookshop, a blessedly quiet bookshop. Manned only by a lady behind the counter and with the fresh scent of paper, it was a reprieve he was grateful for.

A little cramped, the stacks of books and shelves sat close together, and he narrowly made his way through the offerings. For a while he’d considered a cookbook. A European style cookbook, he thought wryly. Taekwoon wouldn’t be needing one of those anymore when he could learn from the people themselves.

Still he wasn’t ready to abandon his oasis of calm just yet, so he continued browsing the stacks, fingers running over some of the titles of the books. What did Taekwoon like to read? He wasn’t quite sure honestly, if Taek had books Hongbin couldn’t remember him browsing them.

And he was just wasting time, time he needed to look for the greatest gift. The gift that a part of him magically hoped would make Taekwoon realize that he couldn’t bear to leave Hongbin. And that he’d always secretly held the same emotions for the younger man.

A fool’s fantasy.

Quirking his head to the side, Hongbin plucked out a book that had no title imprinted on its spine. The cover was made of good quality brown leather with a string of it attached to the back and wrapped around to tie in the front in a bow. Tugging the knot loose, he flipped open the cover to find the title page utterly blank, followed by another blank page, and another until it finally dawned on him that was looking at a journal.

Or… a recipe book. It was large enough, and Taekwoon would have so many new ideas over there. A slightly watery smile spread across his face. It wasn’t the perfect gift that would make him stay, but it was the perfect memento to keep him in his heart. And really, Hongbin knew that was all he could ask for.

Quietly, in the privacy of the book store shelves, he let a couple of tears fall, darkening the leather cover where they plopped. This book, filled with his tears and love and hopefully Taekwoon’s creative soul. The sentimentality of it made him blink away more tears. No, no, if he was going to do this, then… then he wanted to do it with a smile. A real smile. Love always hurt but… it was was endlessly unconditional. Hongbin only wanted Taekwoon to love his life.

\---

It was getting late.

Taekwoon glanced at the clock and frowned. Almost 6 and Hongbin still hadn’t come home yet. The nagging feeling he’d been having for the last few days seemed to pulse inside him. He still hadn’t been able to pry out what was wrong.

Or no, that was only partially true. Guiltily he knew that after Jinhee’s letter he’d become… distracted.

Setting the table with the best plateware he had, Taekwoon frowned. What he’d expected to be a short debate followed by a leap of faith had become anything but an easy decision. It wasn’t so simple, not like it had been when she’d left off on her adventure. He wasn’t the same person as he was back then, and honestly he didn’t want to be.

Having Hongbin around had changed him, made him grow up some he was sure, but more than that. It made him feel, feel something, anything. He made him smile, and laugh, and worry, and care.

When Hongbin had moved in Taekwoon had fully expected it to be like having a little brother to take care of. But that had been wrong to assume. No, not only did Hongbin take care of him just as much as he cared for Hongbin, but it… it was more than that. It was the companionship that he didn’t know he’d craved.

Most people thought that Taekwoon didn’t date anyone because he was still caught up on Jinhee… and that might have been partially true. But it was also because of Hongbin. Hongbin gave him all the things he wanted from a relationship, someone to share meals with, to talk to and hang out with, to be there waiting at home for him, to let him be the one waiting. Someone to worry over him and take care of him and similarly someone for him to worry over and take care of.

Someone who made his stomach flutter at times with the way he looked at him.

And leaving wouldn’t just mean going out on a limb for himself. What would happen to Hongbin? He was still in school, still needed a place to stay and someone to tell him to do well.

The crack of the door slamming open jarred Taekwoon so much that he almost dropped the serving plate he was holding.

As if summoned by the mere thought of him, Hongbin burst into the room, snow falling off his puffy coat and wool hat in soggy clumps. A brown paper wrapped package was clutched in his arms and he seemed out of breath, like he’d been running all the way home.

“You’re all soggy.” Taekwoon smirked and set the plate onto the table before walking over to help his friend free of his winter protection. First the hat, wet and soaked from the snow, then the muffler, similarly afflicted. The the gloves and the jacket, which seemed to dwarf Hongbin’s slim body in it’s puffiness. “You’ll make a mess.”

“Pffffft,” Hongbin blew out a breath but seemed to do everything in his power to keep the brown package clutched in his hands, “it’s not like you’ll be the one to clean it up.” Still, he let himself be handled this way and that before he felt several pounds lighter and free of his winter gear. “Taekwoon, I… I need to talk to you.”

“Dinner.” Taekwoon directed him to the table and pulled out the chair for him. Waiting until Hongbin sat, the mystery package still in his hands, before he ambled to the kitchen and retrieved a beautifully cooked duck from the warming oven. His side dishes had already been set out and this was his crowning glory. “Dinner.” He repeated with a soft smirk.

Watching Hongbin’s eyes light up was enough for him but he accepted the happy compliments as well. “It looks perfect, Taekwoon, how did you get it to look so crispy? Shellac?” Hongbin snorted and smiled beautifully. Even as he started cutting into it Hongbin continued to make appreciative noises, laying it on a bit thick to let Taekwoon know he was teasing as well as complimenting.

“I know you’re going to leave.”

The mood suddenly felt like it evaporated from the room. “Hongbin…”  
  
“No, please, let me just say it.” Something swelled in Taekwoon’s throat. “I know you’re going to leave, because I know you’ll be happy there. I know you’ll learn and I know you’ll get to do what you’ve always said you wanted to, even from your last year in high school. And I want you to know that I… I’m really going to miss you, but I’m really happy for you because it’s what you love. And I… I just want you to do what you love.” He thrust the package out into Taekwoon’s space, and the slightly stunned man reflexively reached up to take it. “I just don’t want you to forget me okay, because you changed my life and that’s… that’s pretty special. So I want you to remember me when you use that.”

Words failing him and fairly backhanded by the emotion in Hongbin’s voice, Taekwoon did the only thing he could to stall for time. He ripped into the package in his hands, paper flying to litter the floor.

It was a book, simple in it’s design but charming, reliable. “Open it.” Hongbin smiled wide and for the first time in days Taekwoon felt the weight in his stomach ease up because it reached his eyes. Grinning back, he flipped open the book to see Hongbin’s scrawling handwriting on the first page.

 

_To: Chef Jung Taekwoon_

_Words haven’t really been either of our strongest points, but I’ve always felt we never really needed them. Still, I want you to have something to remember me by so I give you a few meager words of my own to start the journey of filling this book._

_I stole some of that forward from another book in the bookstore, don’t tell anyone._

_I never knew how lucky I’d be when I started high school. I never knew that I’d get to meet the most interesting and generous man in the world. Or that I’d grow a friendship that has helped shape me into the person I am. I didn’t expect you, but I’ll forever be grateful._

_You were always on your way to being recognized for greatness. I’d say you were on your way to greatness but you were already there when we met. I have been honored to be your culinary guinea pig for these last 5 years but someday you’re going to have to share that talent with the world. And since I always want to be a part of that journey, I hope you’ll take that brilliance in your mind and pour it out into recipes in this book, so you can make more room for new ideas in your mind._

_I can only imagine the great things you’re going to do with life, and I want you to know I’ll always be watching and cheering for you._

_I love you._

_-Lee Hongbin_

 

A hot heavy lump had lodged itself in his throat. Water burned in his eyes as he ran his fingers over the scratched in words on the page. “Binnie.”

“Don’t, please don’t. If you start crying then I will and I told myself that I’d smile for you.”

“I’m not going.”

“You’re what?”

“I’m not leaving, you idiot.” Taekwoon let out a watery laugh to keep himself from crying.

“But why? It’s all you’ve always wanted, and… and Jinhee is there.” Hongbin’s voice began to waver slightly.

“Because… because you helped change me too. And what I wanted then… well it’s not the same as what I want now.” It was getting hard to breathe a little, a tremble in his chest.

“What do you want now then?”

“Well,” Taekwoon kept the book in hand, but smiled, softly, a warm spread of relief through him. Reaching over the table he set his hand atop one of Hongbin’s. “I hope you’ll help me find out.”

**Author's Note:**

> Dear Synthbin, I hope that this brought you a little holiday cheer and that I did your wonderful prompt justice. It was a great pleasure to write for you!


End file.
